THE WHAT — Perimenopause is the transition to menopause, and officially, the coming to an end of your reproductive years. Perimenopause is different from premenopause because you display symptoms of eventual menopause during this time. However, once you’ve gone through 12 consecutive months without a period, you’ve officially reached menopause, and the perimenopause period is over.
THE WHEN — Women can enter perimenopause as early as their mid-30s but the causal drop of estrogen usually begins in a woman’s 40s. Perimenopause can actually begin 8 to 10 years before menopause.
THE WHY — Perimenopause is marked by a drop in estrogen, the main female hormone produced by the ovaries. This hormonal imbalance causes a ripple of effects in the body, up to 34 symptoms including breast soreness, changes in libido, mood swings, depression, anxiety, irregular periods and heartbeats, hot flashes, and vaginal dryness. Risk factors for early menopause include smoking, family history, hysterectomies, and chemotherapy.
THE WHY ‘YOU SHOULD SHARE WITH YOUR PARTNER’ — Hysterical and tragic, a quick Google search shows that one of the most commonly asked questions about women in menopause and their partners is ‘if they hate their husbands.’ There’s a good chance that perimenopause symptoms can cause rifts in your relationship.
Your hormone imbalance can literally cause or heighten your irritability, anxiety, and depression and because it affects your libido, it’s also possible that intimacy between you two will be affected. Your needs may not match anymore, and perhaps, even the romantic feelings will be tested. Here are three ways to share your perimenopause with your partner —
- Educate Them — Take the time to sit down with them and enumerate the ways in which your body is changing and how it affects you personally. Reading online articles can help, but knowing your personal symptoms may make them more sympathetic to your particular circumstances or prompt some behavior changes. If they know you’re prone to mood swings for example, it may help them in not taking things too personally when you argue.
- Use the ‘I Feel’ trick — Tell them how you’re feeling and what you’re feeling, but make sure not to place the blame on them. Instead of saying, “You’re irritating me”, say “I feel irritated because…”. Identifying emotions is important in general when communicating with your partner and ensuring you two are on the same page.
- Talk about Sex Baby! Talking about how perimenopause is making you feel is a great way to segue into the conversation about your libido changes. Identifying why there are changes in the first place can make this sensitive topic less painful or awkward. If you know your sex drive has been lower, try suggesting ideas to spice up your sex life or trying something new. If you don’t want the pressure of having sex as often, talk about other ways in which your partner can address their needs.
Remember, perimenopause can be tough on your relationship and you’ll need your partner to be as empathetic as possible. The first steps come with communication and education. Be explicit about what you want and need so your partner can be there for you in this transitional time. It’s also a great way to get in some extra massages!