Fierce Woman Of The Month: Natalie Berthold, Family Constellation Therapist and Healer
Natalie Berthold
Maxim Hygiene’s Co-Founder/VP and first ever Green Feminine Hygiene Queen, Rebecca Alvandi, recently partnered up with fellow Fierce Woman and Women’s Natural Health Expert, Nicole Jardim, on leading Period Parties, a safe and welcoming space for women to gather and learn about their bodies, hormones, menstruation and all things feminine.
Most of us were too shy to comprehend the topic of menstruation back in Middle School health education class when we were first due to get our periods; some of us never even had the chance to, whether because it wasn’t part of the curriculum or because our moms and dads didn’t know how to approach the topic. Even later in life when we’re encouraged to go to the gynecologist for our annual women’s health exam or self care appointments, how many of us actually take the time to share with the doctor about the details around our experiences with our periods?
Period Party with Nicole Jardim and Rebecca Alvandi
It’s amazing how much “stuff” can come up around periods when you put a bunch of ladies in their 20s and 30s together like we do at our period parties. Through our period parties and in meeting our featured Fierce Woman of the Month, Natalie Berthold, we’ve learned and experienced that the way you flow might be telling you something about your relationships. But that’s enough from us, we’ll let the expert, Natalie, tell you more about that in her featured guest post below. It’s a little different (and longer) than our usual FWOTM Q & As but the insight you will receive is so worth the read!
I was so excited to meet Rebecca and hear about all of the cool stuff she does to help women and the environment. What I also found really interesting is that she works closely on this project with her father, and in fact, he is the foundation of all of this. As a Family Constellation and Systemic Therapist and Facilitator, I found this very interesting, as typically, this would be something that would ‘flow’ (pun on words) through the female lineage. As Father’s Day approaches, and in honor of the awesome man behind the Maxim biz (Rebecca’s dad), I thought I would share a little about the importance of fathers within family systems!
No doubt, a female’s most complicated relationship exists between mother and daughter. From our first instances in utero, and continued through the rest of our days, our lives piggyback off of mom and how we relate to one another. However, we mustn’t gloss over the fathers. In systemic and family constellation therapy, the father’s presence and contribution needs to be acknowledged.
Too many wives or children don’t give their dads enough credit, when in fact, it takes two to procreate. Without the father, the children would not have life, so if we make our husbands feel dispensable (whether or not we are married or divorced), guess what, our children feel dispensable as well (hello, the kid is half of them!). And, if we as wives don’t respect our husbands, you guessed it, our children learn not to respect their spouses as well (among other things). Worse, your children will feel conflicted over whom to ‘ally with’ when in fact, it is impossible to side with one parent over the other, because it took both to bring them life. The child will then go on to punish themselves in some way, whether it be through love and relationships, finances and career, or health–perhaps emotional eating.
Let’s talk a little bit about periods and flow, since I know that is Rebecca’s focus with you beloved readers. There are many ancestral and familial patterns that can affect our hormones and our menstruation! I have worked with many women who tend to skip periods when someone important is missing in their lives…oftentimes, the fathers. Whether they are physically or emotionally absent, we are missing a crucial and nourishing ingredient in our lives.
Photo courtesy of http://www.covenantrelationships.org/
Often, we had fathers who were very present, but when we hit puberty and started growing boobs and menstruating, fathers and daughters naturally become a little uncomfortable and pull away from each other. That is ok for a while….it is natural and healthy during this time for the girl to connect with her mother to learn the ways of being a woman, but eventually, some sort of movement needs to be made back to the dad. If dad is around, try to communicate with him, share a meal together, and/or fill up on him in other ways. If he is not around due to passing away or just being physically or emotionally absent, try putting a plate for him at your table when you eat, and try saying something like “Daddy, thanks for the gift of life. Life is better and richer when you are around”. Sounds silly, but there is a lot to this!
You see, in constellation therapy, it is said that the mother brings the child into the world, and the father shows the child the world. The mother is responsible for nourishing and feeding the baby at infancy, but while mom is/was staying home to make sure the baby survives, dad is working to make money that will feed the child when the breast milk will no longer suffice. To eliminate dad from the equation is detrimental for everyone and can lead to some disordered habits and dysfunctions in the body!
Where can you acknowledge and respect the fathers in your life more? Where can you direct attention towards them so that they can show you (if you are your father’s child) or your children (if you co-created with a father) the world more? For example, could you ask them advice on finances or cars? As a mother, if a child comes to you with a question on how fireworks explode, could you say something like “you know who is super smart with these things? Daddy! Let’s ask him!” There are so many ways that the fathers in our lives can, with their wisdom, bestow knowledge and worth upon the younger ones.
In a world where feminism is swarming and women are kicking ass (whoot) we also tend to forget about the men (not whoot). Women have this attitude of “I can make my own money, I can use a dildo, and hell, I can even get prego with a turkey baster.” In this, there is a very clear attitude of MEN ARE NOT NEEDED and this in infiltrating the population and affecting our past, present and current men in many ways. Hell yeah they are needed and wanted, and we need to remind them of that and show them!
Photo Courtesy of http://www.brightboldbeautiful.com/
Additionally, take a moment today and offer thanks and gratitude for your father and the father of your children, if that is applicable. Call dad (or tell him in heaven) how thankful you are for your gift of life and all the other gifts you got from him. If you have a husband, tell him how grateful you are for the gifts you’ve co-created together (kids and otherwise) and how you couldn’t have done it without him. If you have children, tell them that in them, you see their father and it is all good stuff (name specifics if you can). If you need more direction in aligning yourself properly with your father, or the father of your children, feel free to reach out…I guarantee life will be sweeter (so much so that you wont need to substitute his absence with donuts and ice-cream), you’ll be able to breath easier, be more successful, healthier, and the children or future generations will be happier.
Happy Father’s Day everyone!
Much love,
Natalie Berthold
To learn more about me and my work, go to www.natalieberthold.com
Additionally, I have a workshop coming up on healing with your father, June 7. More details at www.natalieberthold.com/workshops
